I was reflecting the other day on how completely desensitized
I’ve become to Indian roads and the things you see on them. There’s a real risk
of forgetting all of the oddities of everyday life here if you don’t write them
down as you notice them. When outsiders visit, or new foreigners from western
countries move here, you’re reminded of the ridiculous things that used to dumbfound you, which now have somehow become a part of your everyday life.
Here are just a few of these novel sights, for the amusement of those who are blessed with traveling on long endless empty highways (okay, maybe I'm glamorizing a bit). I know many of you are surrounded with scenic vistas on the road or at least have the pleasure of traveling with other vehicles who generally follow traffic rules and lines, but hey, doesn't that get a little boring sometimes? Here are the scenic items Bangalore roads have to offer.
1. Men urinating.
Before moving here, I think I could count
on one hand, the occasions where I’ve seen a man publically urinate, and that’s
for the entirety of my 31 years. Now I’m lucky when I don’t pass by twenty on
any given day, not that I’m counting. it’s a tiresome sight! Excuse me, but
where do all of the ladies go to relieve themselves? Still have yet to see one
squat on the side of the road. So although there are restroom shortages, there
appears to be some sort of cultural male need to publicaly pee.
2. The Family Transportation Sandwich
This I see daily in all kinds of fun and frightening forms. On a motor bike: child #1 in front (sometimes
sleeping if it’s early morning), followed by the father, followed by child #2, followed
by mom, who is often sitting side saddle if she’s in a sari. If there is a
third child, they are often carried by mom. The only passenger helmeted here is
dad because the law says only the front passenger has to have a helmet. Because,
you know, only the first person gets hurt in an accident, right? Of course!
3. Bombs on Bikes
Gas canisters, cooking gas that is, are
never delivered in an enclosed vehicle, but almost always on a motorcycle, or my
favorite, a bike. Often these bikes are outfitted with four (12 kg) metal canisters,
the equivalent of 100+ lbs of fuel, precariously flanking the sides. It looks
like a pretty effective bomb to me.
The first time we had gas set up at
our house we were in for a surpise. I opened the door, only to be greeted by a little
11 year old boy on the other side. "Oh hello, and who are you?" I say, never assuming
this was the delivery man. "Gas, ma’am" I look out to see who’s accompanying this
little guy and I find nothing but a rusty old motorcycle with two canisters of
gas supported on the sides. I turn to the relocation assistant, who happened to
be at the house with me that day, “But he’s a baby!”. He responds laughing “Oh,
it’s just his father’s business, he just does the delivery only.” As if that’s
any comfort. There seems to be a different meaning to the value of one human life here.
4. Cows, more cows, and wild dogs
I am continuously mystified at how few animal
casualties there are here. Given the propensity these creatures have to just hang
out, sleep and sun themselves on the central meridians of highways, on the edge
of bus stops in the street, and in the middle of busy intersections. They seem to be completely oblivious to any
impending danger, perfectly content to watch the world go by at the center of the
frantic traffic mess. Survival of the fittest at it's finest.
5. Transvestite beggars
Lovely ladies, perfect posture, dressed in
silk saris, gold jewelry, flowers in the hair and five o’clock shadows… now wait
a minute. These ‘ladies’ hang out near a large super store in my neighborhood. What’s
unique is they have a very distinctive way of begging. While traffic is stopped at the light, they
weave around the cars, clapping their hands, and then with full manly force
smack the windows to demand for money. It’s downright aggressive and strangely it
seems to work for them. Luckily they only target cars with just men, so
generally our car is left protected.
6. “Creative English” signs
Some of my favorites:
“TUITIONS offered by English grammer experts”
“DO NOT DEFECATE THE WALLS”
The difference in an acronym.....
“Free STD codes”
and:
